Thursday, April 30, 2009

When Motherhood Gets You Jail Time

When Motherhood Gets You Jail Time

Filed under: Activism, California, Child Abuse, Child Rape, Child custody for fathers, Children and Domestic Violence, Domestic Violence, Family Courts, Getting screwed by the Family Courts, Kristin Hanson, Maternal Deprivation, Mother Child Relationship — justice4mothers @ 6:12 pm

A contributor post from Kristin Hanson:

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

When Motherhood Gets You Jail Time

It is a mother’s worst fear - to learn that her child has been the victim of a heinous crime- sexual abuse. What is more shocking and unbelievable to her is to discover that the one person who she never could imagine would be the perpetrator turns out to be her child’s own father. When she learns of this she is heartbroken and devastated beyond words. There are no words to fully describe the pain and emotions that she has that are buried so deep within her mind and soul. So what does a mother do when she learns that her child has been abused? Society has taught her to proceed by reporting such a crime to the proper authorities - the district attorney, the police, Child Protective Services, the courts…..this is what society says is correct. Or is it?

As the mother is prepared to do what is right, she attempts to protect her child. She believes undoubtedly that the court system and all authorities will grant her and her child the protection and justice that is so rightfully deserved. But she soon learns that her struggle to protect her child leads her into a war of unimaginable proportions and consequences, and she finds herself entering into a tangled web full of lies, deceit and corruption as her world begins to shatter…….into a justice system in denial. She has always complied with visitation orders demanded by the court, but how can she continue with those orders? She finds herself in very unfamiliar and destructive territory as she is still forced by court order to allow her child to continue to have visits with the father - her child’s identified perpetrator. At this point she is painfully faced with the decision of protecting her child which is all that she wants to do, or to comply with the orders of the court.

A mother may choose to obey the courts orders, or she may decide to be defiant and determined as ever, as she fights to protect her child, refusing to allow her child to be subjected to any more abuse, thus failing to be “agreeable” and do just as the court tells her. Tragically, whichever path she takes,unfortunately she and her child both will lose the battle…..as she is turned into the accused perpetrator by the courts and CPS, being labeled and branded with the scarlet letter as a liar who has made false allegations and as an “alienator”-a mother with the sole purpose of attempting to destroy the relationship between her child and their father. This could not be further from the truth. It makes logical sense that a mother who loves her child, wanting the very best for them, would want a fit and loving father for her child as opposed to an abusive one, wouldn’t it? And what would be the motive for a mother who already has physical custody and is receiving monthly child support? If she already has it all, why would a mother risk losing custody for a false allegation??

The answer is simple-she would not. She is now caught up in a “Catch 22″ situation in which she cannot win either way. If she is aware of the abuse and fails to protect her child from it, she will be prosecuted, but then on the other hand, if she attempts to do everything possible within her power to protect her child from future harm, once again, she will be prosecuted. How can both ways be a losing battle? She may fight endlessly in the courts, eventually leading her into a world filled with depression, darkness and utter despair, going bankrupt in the process, or she may give up all hope of ever receiving justice from the courts in which case she will end up taking the law into her own hands……leaving her once loved and happy life behind and risking all she has in order to disappear with her child, hoping never to be found. Once again she will lose as she is eventually caught, arrested, jailed and prosecuted all over again….only this time she and her child are unjustly separated for an indeterminate sentence imposed upon them. She then is plunged into a world struck with guilt and anguish for only being able to buy her child a very short time of freedom and safety. Her guilt continues, haunting her daily as her pain and unbearably long separation from her child increases and her memory reminds her that she had promised her child that she would protect them. She is overwhelmed with this guilt, like a raging storm in the ocean, feeling out of control and overcome with profound anger and feelings of helplessness for failing her beloved child.

At first she has to learn to live with her pain, as it becomes a part of her life, but as time goes on, she then is forced to learn to live in the pain, as her life then becomes a part of her pain. Even though she made every possible effort by accessing the courts for help and knowing that it is truly the fault of the court for not helping her to protect her child, she still is not completely able to free herself from the guilt within her imprisoned body. After all, she thinks to herself that it was her obligation and responsibility as a mother to see to it that no harm ever came upon her child, and therefore she cannot forgive herself. Will she ever be able to forgive herself? Maybe. Maybe not. Her only true hope, peace and relief comes from knowing that her child knows the truth one day.

In the courts eyes, a mother is deemed as a criminal, but who is to say that God shares their views?

A Message to Mothers: It is my hope that each and every mother who has struggled and fought to protect their child(ran), will be able to reach a point where they are able to find peace within themselves, especially to those mothers who have been jailed due to their efforts to protect their child(ren). I admire your strength, courage, tenacity and determination. May you find comfort in knowing that your efforts were honest and true- it has been a long and tedious journey and for many of us, the journey is not over yet. Take one day at a time, one step at a time, and always remember - You are MOM. Nobody can ever strip you of your God given gift of motherhood and all the precious moments and memories that come with and from being a mother. There will never be anyone who can replace you in the hearts of your child(ren). One day our children will know the truth, if they don’t already. May God watch over you and your children all the days of your lives.

Written by Kristin Hanson
Dedicated to my beautiful daughter Rachel-Our painful separation will end and we will be together again. I love you and miss you more than you can ever imagine. God bless you my sweet darling- MOM

Other dedications:
To my wonderful mother, Dorothy, who was jailed with me in order to help me to protect Rachel. Thank you. Rachel and I love you.

To all those mothers who have been jailed for your attempts to protect your child(ren).


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Use of Parental Alienation Syndrome Soon to Be Outlawed in California….

 

Family Court Crisis; Our Children at Risk

www.CenterForJudicialExcellence.org

http://blip.tv/file/1199654/

[vodpod id=ExternalVideo.817865&w=425&h=350&fv=]

Nancy Lee Grahn (Alexis/GH) Testifies About Personal Ordeal

By Michele Dargan | Monday, April 27, 2009, 10:46 PM

An interesting press release arrived today that I thought I’d share with you.

When I saw Nancy Lee Grahn’s name in the headline, it immediately got my attention.

And as I read on, it became even more interesting.

As a soap fan, I have - for years - enjoyed Nancy Lee Grahn’s portrayal of the strong, smart, ever-so-efficient attorney Alexis Davis.

But I had no idea that she was involved in a court battle regarding her child.

According to this release, Grahn is testifying Tuesday at the California Assembly Judiciary Committee Hearing on behalf of Bill AB 612. If passed, the bill would outlaw the use of Parental Alienation Syndrome to gain custody of children in divorce situations.

The syndrome describes behavior where one parent turns a child against the other by convincing the child the parent has treated him or her badly, even when they have not. Many call it “junk science” and are trying to get it banned from being used to gain custody in divorce cases.

Below is the press release which describes Grahn’s participation in these hearings and her support for this bill.

T.V. Star Nancy Lee Grahn to Join Dozens of Family Court Victims to Urge Passage of Assemblyman Jim Beall’s AB 612

What: Pre-Hearing Press Conference

Who: Daytime TV Celebrity Nancy Lee Grahn & dozens of family court victims & court reform advocates

When: 8:30AM on Tuesday, April 28 - Press Conference; 9:00AM Hearing in Room 4202

Where: State Capitol- Room 444

Acclaimed television star Nancy Lee Grahn will address reporters tomorrow about her personal family court ordeal before she testifies on behalf of AB 612 at the California Assembly Judiciary Committee Hearing. Grahn will join dozens of parents and children to speak about the ravages of Parental Alienation Syndrome, or PAS, on their lives, and the desperate need for family court reform.

Like thousands of parents in California’s family courts, Grahn was falsely accused of alienating her child against her father, yet she eventually prevailed in her protecting her child. AB 612 would outlaw the use of this unscientific theory that is typically responsible for placing more than 58,000 children per year in the U.S. into dangerous homes with parents the children have identified as their molesters and abusers (Leadership Council on Child Abuse & Interpersonal Violence). Beall’s bill is just one of a handful of measures addressing the need for family court reform in California this year.

PAS is a controversial, unscientific theory that does not meet legal evidentiary standards, yet it is commonly used in family courts everywhere. PAS and related alienation theories are not accepted or endorsed by the National Council of Juvenile and Family Court Judges, American Psychological Association, American Prosecutors Research Institute, National Center for Prosecution of Child Abuse, and nearly all credible researchers on the subject.

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Rape. It is about power, not sex.

Sometimes, You Gotta Do What You Gotta Do

Rape. It is about power, not sex. Supposedly the hardest crime to prove because it is she said and he said. We know these things.
Men's groups will have you thinking that women are just running around reporting false rapes just to get their panties wet. Denial. Do they know what it is like to file a rape report? Not any more than a male gynecologist knows what a pap smear feels like.
I don't know who is believed less, women or children? 
I suppose sometimes, women must take things into their own hands...until people start listening.

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Father got custody; mother's sex abuse claims vindicated 6 years later when other children come forward

 

Father got custody; mother's sex abuse claims vindicated 6 years later when other children come forward

La Jolla, California -- Henry Parson's behavior turned from initially charming to more and more aggressive and perverted through the marriage, but the child protective services and the courts refused to believe Joyce Murphy, who ran with her daughter to Florida and then served time for kidnapping. Court therapist Marilyn Marshall said that neither the 6-year-old girl nor anyone else was at risk from the man. Like she had any basis to know. Too late, of course, to recoup the forever-lost years in the lives of this mother and her daughter that Marshall fucked up. http://www.10news.com/news/19265275/detail.html http://www.thelizlibrary.org/liz/custody-evaluator-questions.html

 

Apr 29, 2009

Read more: "Father got custody; mother's sex abuse claims vindicated 6 years later when other children come forward - justice's posterous" - http://justice.posterous.com/father-got-custody-6-years-later-mothers-sex#ixzz0E98wK4Lt&A
Read more: "Father got custody; mother's sex abuse claims vindicated 6 years later when other children come forward - justice's posterous" - http://justice.posterous.com/father-got-custody-6-years-later-mothers-sex#ixzz0E98wK4Lt&A

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Monday, April 27, 2009

Action: May 13th St. Louis, Missouri-Demand Equal Protection For Incest Victims!!!

Action: May 13th St. Louis, Missouri-Demand Equal Protection For Incest Victims!!!Go to full article

An Arkansas District Attorney in Sebastian County has taken the position that rape cases would be prosecuted, but not incest cases.

Quote from Parkhurst v. Tabor et al., 8th Circuit Court of Appeals, Docket No. 08-2610

“no one wants these [incest] cases.”

In this case there was a million dollar judgment against the father for sexual abuse of his daughter. There was also a  federal case against the prosecutor for failing to prosecute the case (equal protection for the victim). Unfortunately, the case against the prosecutor was dismissed. What this means is that victims of rape who are incest victims are not being given the same protections as other rape victims. It seems that when the victims of rape are related to the perpetrator, the crime is not being prosecuted.

There will be oral argument in St. Louis, Missouri on May 13 in the US Court of Appeal 8th Circuit regarding the violation of the incest victim’s rights to be treated the same as other rape victims .

Court will be held in the Thomas F. Eagleton Courthouse at 111 S. 10th Street, St. Louis, Missouri.

Click here for map to courthouse: Map of Courthouse-111 S. 10th St.

Division I will be held in the En Banc Courtroom on Floor 28. Counsel presenting oral argument should report to the clerk’s office, Room 24.329, 30 minutes before Court convenes.

WEDNESDAY, MAY 13, 2009, BEGINNING AT 9:00AM
BEFORE JUDGES WOLLMAN, GIBSON, MURPHY

Link to Court Calendar Info Here: 8th Circuit Calendar for Parkhurst v. Tabor et al

Anyone concerned about the violation of incest victims rights, please come to the oral argument on May 13th in St. Louis, Missouri, and show your support for incest victims. Demand equal protection!!!

For more background on the case see this article from the Domestic Violence Report:

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Saturday, April 25, 2009

Happy Abusers Awareness Day!

 

Happy Abusers Awareness Day!

Filed under: Activism, Alec Baldwin, CSPAS, Child Abuse, Child Custody Battle, Child custody for fathers, Children and Domestic Violence, Children's rights, Custody Evaluators, Domestic Violence, Dr. Richard Gardner, Family Courts, Fatherhood groups, Fathers Rights, Getting Screwed by the Whores of the Court, Getting screwed by the Family Courts, Getting screwed by the politicians, Help for Victims of Domestic Violence, Judicial Immunity, Legal abuse, Maternal Deprivation, Mother Child Relationship, Noncustodial Mothers, Parental Alienation Syndrome, Protect yourself from FR groups, Psychologists, Rachel Foundation, Raving lunatics, Speak Out, Violence against women, fathers fighting for custody

investigatepas

Thanks Anonymums for the great graphic!

Father’s Rights groups ran wild trying to get our governors to proclaim today “Parental Alienation Awareness Day.”  Of the few governors that signed, I believe most were duped about this claim often used by abusive parents, being such an easy online process for the most part.  One state even states on their website when applying for a proclamation:

“Issuance of a proclamation does not constitute an endorsement by the Governor.”

Good try guys.  People are learning the truth of the “Parental Alienation” scam meant to support the Whores of the Court by the abusers who hire them.  Your cult even had to run to Canada to hold a conference on this.

The National Council of Juvenile and Family Court Judges discredited the theory.  It stated:

The discredited “diagnosis” of “PAS” (or allegation of “parental alienation”), quite apart from its scientific invalidity, inappropriately asks the court to assume that the children’s behaviors and attitudes toward the parent who claims to be “alienated” have no grounding in reality. It also diverts attention away from the behaviors of the abusive parent, who may have directly influenced the children’s responses by acting in violent, disrespectful, intimidating, humiliating and/or discrediting ways toward the children themselves, or the children’s other parent.

Yes, they really did report this.  Family court judges should be made to read this!  See Page 24 of the report below.

Navigating Custody & Visitation Evaluations in Cases with Domestic Violence: A Judge’s Guide by Clare Dalton LLM, et.al., please click here.

Are good fathers sucked in by this?  You betcha.  With all due respect to several fathers who respectfully comment here, you guys have been duped too.  Call it what it is….if your child has been turned from you, don’t allow someone to label it parental alienation, call it what it is….parental kidnapping, parent-bashing, whatever.  Call it what it is.

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Monday, April 20, 2009

Mom Guilty- Contempt and further ordered to remove “Public Records”

Shawnee County Courts: Mom Guilty- Contempt and further ordered to remove “Public Records”

A Human Rights Issue-Custody...

(this post has been re-edited to comply with court orders and other court whores ‘recommendations’ (silence) - and to remove the word *daughter* when associated with the mothers *name*- it was originally posted on April 10th, 2009 and the writer/mother was forced to delete and or lock all her blogs –pending the removal of the word *daughter* replaced now with *gag* in reference to)

Remember that little thang called the US Constitution…???
U.S. Constitution

“Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful committed citizens can change the world; indeed, it's the only thing that ever has.” -Margaret Mead (1901-1978

[The Courts, Shawnee County, Kansas, were more concerned about THEIR imagesand here- than those of my [*gag* ]–the ‘contempt’ that I was convicted of..? Civilly -without rule- of procedure of same- criminal- So when does civil become criminal..? Doesn’t jail or per say the 4th amendment speaks ‘civil; may have jury-(no silence-oppression) if ‘value exceeds twenty dollars”---yeah, would make a ‘mad’ man-...’mad.’... as a ‘hatter’ indeed-hence, this blog post- sanity –dignity-social activism-true change. Confused..? Wait.. ..this is the …sane part- it gets better….]

“Today is my Birthday, birthdays are really for the ‘mothers’ (I learned after the birth of my dear [*gag* ]– as we recall the birth with perfect clarity… this is my first b-day- since my own mom’s passing a few months ago- her death in the ‘feeding’ frenzy of the Courts and their court whores who will not even in death stop their crimes against ‘humanity’. My ‘contempt’ was because of the video I made- the ‘preservation’ of good- sacred’.

“Today, I had a very precious few minutes with my [*gag* ]– via mobile-(the first time she was able to say ‘happy birthday mom) her little heart so weary, painfully heavy but; a strong compassionate heart it is. She takes after her grandmother. We……. survived another ‘court feeding’….. Next feeding….April 15th, 2009 at 3:00 PM…..we will survive that too……

“Today, with my mom, my [*gag* ]– and this b-day seems so much more ‘raw’ I feel as I know my [*gag* ]–does-and so many others- like all my nerve endings are exposed-perhaps they are- and either 15 days-or fifteen years- the ‘stripping’ of rights- especially ‘human’ …there simply are no words, other than it must stop… via the system that profits so heavily from so much spilled blood.. the nation… indeed the world.. et ‘humanity’ its self….

“Today, I continue- the ‘path-un-paved’- happy b-day mom, it is-the beginning- to and end…’Human Evolution’-higher intelligence- -that I try to form my thoughts as each action I take or inaction- each step I take is to ‘free’ my child her children- from the blood lust of the ‘family courts’ globally…”

-I am my mother’s -[*gag* ]–and- my[*gag* ]– mother-

I was lucky to find the tribute video for repost to this blog- We have a ‘code of honor’- my sisters- http://www.batteredmotherscustodyconference.org/

When one is silenced, we speak for her- we speak for all our children - - we just act and ‘do’ as a ‘human’ would. We carry our dead and our wounded- we leave no one behind. [marine motto-human motto]

This because of the death and tribute of my mother-my daughter’s grandmother-
From the ‘on-line PUBLIC ACCESS’ of case No. 96D217 (but wait- I am now Ordered to remove PUBLIC DOCUMENTS as well)
04/06/2009
-
MISC.
Petitioner in person and by Donald Hoffman. Respondent in person and by Robert E. Duncan. G.A.L., Jill Dykes, for minor child who is not present. Court Reporter: Digital Div. 13.
Respondent withdraws motion for recusal of Judge.

Court considers evidence offered through affidavit and stipulations of the parties and after listening to arguments of counsel, finds that Judge Johnson on September 27, 2006, ordered "Respondent to withdraw any and all likenesses of the minor child over which she had control that may be appearing on the internet or other public places or public access and further that Respondent was ordered not to present child at public rallies, demonstrations, newscast or otherwise publicize the child's name or likeness in furtherance of Respondent's efforts in the instant case".

Court found;
1.) based on incidents detailed in the affidavit and the stipulations of the parties that Respondent had violated the Court's order by intentionally placing photographs of the minor child on Respondent's
website and to links accessible through the Respondent's website and to websites that the Respondent was either maintaining or contributing to;
2. ) that as of April 4, 2009, the photographs of the minor child were still accessible;
3. ) that as of April 6, 2009, the photographs were not accessible.
Court finds Respondent to be in Indirect Contempt. In mitogation, Respondent offers that photos were part of a family tribute to her deceased mother.

Court fines Respondent $1,500 and orders her to serve 30 days in jail.
Court allows Respondent to purge herself of the contempt by removing all photos, likenesses and name of minor child from the internet or any other public place or public access on which she has control by April 15, 2009, at 3:00 p.m.

Respondent is ordered to pay Petitioner's attorney fees of $600 for prosecuting the motion to show cause,

*Respondent is ordered to obtain a psychological evaluation by a Psychiatrist.
*Respondent is prohibited from filing any motions on her own unless the motion is signed by her attorney or she obtains permission of the Court prior to filing.
*Parenting time as previously ordered - 2 hours supervised visitation per week through Odyssey Group. (these stopped when my mother died)
Respondent currently has a P.O. Box and does not wish to disclose her address.
Court ordered, and Respondent agrees, that any filing mailed to her P.O. Box shall be deemed personal service. R. Duncan to do JE. DBD

Ok, I feel better now.. silence is oppression- oppression is silence.
[imagine a world without links-darkness-give light the darkness will disappear of its own-shine bright]
1. Anonymums: Mother Heros:Claudine Dombrowski
- 9 visits - Apr 5
Claudine Dombrowski is an amazing human being. Her efforts to free her [*gag*] from the cycle of abuse are tireless. An assumption I made when I read the ... anonymums.blogspot.com/2009/03/mother-herosclaudine-dombrowski.html - 150k -

Granny, Mom "Dont Give Up"
12:02 Added about 4 months ago
Hope Love Power and enlightenment

Judge 'death' David Debenham
17:36 Added about 4 months ago
Topeka Kansas, Shawnee County Courthouse Justice denied even in death- Protect the perp at all cost. further victimize child and mother

When I despair, I remember that all through history the way of truth and love has always won.
There have been tyrants and murderers and for a time they seem invincible,
but in the end, they always fall––think of it--always. --Mahatma Gandhi

http://www.angelfury.org/
KS-Family Court Reform Coalition
Kansans For Judicial Accountability
Kansas Mothers For Custodial Justice

Friday, April 17, 2009

Batterer Manipulation and Retaliation Denial and Complicity In the Family Courts

Batterer Manipulation and Retaliation Denial and Complicity In the Family Courts

by Joan Zorza, Esq

 

Family Courts Excuse Male Misbehavior, But Blame Women


Most family and divorce (hereinafter, "family") court judges insist that people going through custody and divorce cases are good people, but that they often behave very badly because they are so stressed out by the pressures of the separation and court dispute. 1 The reality, as Massachusetts has found, is that nothing could be further from the truth for the men who abuse their female intimate partners and children (called either "abusers" or "batterers").

 
Massachusetts, which has since 1978 allowed its criminal court judges to issue restraining orders against abusers, and which now requires all judges--even the family ones, to consult offender probation records whenever a petition for protection in an abuse case is filed, keeps very careful records which it periodically analyses.  It has found that almost 80% of the male abusers have criminal records,2  46% for violent offenses, and 39% have prior restraining orders entered against them and 15% for violating of those orders within the first 6 months.  The men with prior orders are almost equally divided between those who have repeatedly abused one victim and those who have abusing multiple victims.3 Massachusetts also was the first state in the county to create a statewide registry for orders of protection, and it also enters orders of protection onto the defendants' probation records, so that judges automatically become aware of the defendants' prior record, even his juvenile one or cases which were later continued without any finding.  This is not to say that all abusive men have records or are abnormal,4  or that no female partners of abusers ever have records.  However, abusive men, although they tend to be considerably older, better educated and are more likely to be white than other criminals, and hence to have been given far more breaks in the criminal justice system, are simply not the stressed out good guys as the family courts assume.  Men who abuse do so as a matter of choice, as a way to assert power and control over their female partners, punish them, to be sexually aroused, or less often because they enjoy causing pain.5
  

In contrast, although the family courts assign at least equal blame to the men's victims, the victims are generally no different than other women, except for having been abused and suffering the effects of that abuse. Prior to being abused, battered women are no different from other women.6 It is the effects of the abuse makes them frightened and show other effects, often making them appear less credible as witnesses.7 Courts, police and prosecutors often refuse to help battered women and discourage them from pursuing cases, but then blame them for dropping their cases.  In fact, battered women are no more likely to drop cases than are other victims of violent crimes who are being threatened by their abusers.  What is different is that most violent criminals never reassault or even contact their victims, but the average battered woman is beaten up three times by her batterer during the pendency of a criminal domestic violence case.8 All victims threatened with further assault want to drop their cases; battered women are actually more willing than other threatened victims to pursue their cases.9 

 

Batterers are believed in blaming victims.

 

Men who batter are not only adept at minimizing and denying their own abusive behaviors and their responsibility for it,  they are also adept at blaming circumstances or their victims, thereby shifting responsibility and projecting their own behavior onto their victims.10 Yet while alcohol,11 poverty, and other circumstances may aggravate a situation, they do not cause violence, as most people in such circumstances do not abuse.  Similarly, victims are not to blame for the violence. Unfortunately, abusive men have been very successful in convincing courts and juries that their own behavior is their female victims' fault, or that their partners provoked them, or wanted the abuse, or that bad circumstances caused the abuse.


Mental health experts lack expertise in family violence.

 

  Complicating the problem is that the courts often rely on mental health experts to evaluate the parties, yet overwhelmingly those experts have never received adequate training in domestic violence or child sexual abuse; indeed, their professional schools seldom teach the subjects and 40% of those working in mental health fields in the U.S. admit they have never received any training about intimate partner violence and even fewer received training about child sexual abuse.12 The content of what little training exists in schools in continuing education programs is often questionable or outright misleading, or so short (one hour is not that uncommon over the course of a career)13 that is clearly inadequate. 

 

Guardians ad litem, who are supposed to represent the children's best interests to the court, generally lack training in any aspects of family violence or even child development.14  Only 10% of custody evaluators know enough about incest to not be dangerous in these cases.15 Without the training and sensitivity to abuse issues, few therapists and custody evaluators even screen for it or follow up when told about it. 16 When they do follow up, batterers are adept at manipulating mental health professionals, appearing very together and, if he admits the abuse, contrite and regretful, justifying his abuse or making it appear part of a substance abuse or depression problem or caused by his partner.17

 

All this convinces the professional that the abuse was an aberration that will be controlled in the future, although this is most unlikely.18 Mental health evaluators and guardians ad litem, having been trained in a system that blames mothers for most problems that people have,19 are particularly vulnerable to being persuaded by fathers who deny their abuse and blame their partners, with the result being that they discredit the mother's accusations and fears, and recommend that custody to go to fathers, even when the men are abusive.  The result is that domestic violence is seldom considered in the vast majority of  child custody determinations,20 particularly when there are allegations of physical or sexual abuse against a child.21 This is an amazing omission, given that at least 47 states and the District of Columbia require courts to consider domestic violence when making child custody determinations. (The three states which do not are Connecticut, Mississippi and Utah.)22 


Judges, like mental health professionals, make the gender biased and inaccurate assumption that most domestic violence or child abuse accusations made in custody cases are falsely made for tactical gain, so take these cases far less seriously than they should.23 In fact, incest allegations are only made in 2-3% of custody cases, and mothers make few false accusations either of domestic violence24  or of child sexual abuse.25 Although no psychological test can definitively prove that someone has battered or sexually abused someone,26 many family courts require women to conclusively prove the abuse--a virtually impossible burden--or they refuse to believe that any abuse happened.

 

Furthermore, because most assessment tools used in custody evaluations were never developed to take into account the effects of domestic violence on victims, the tools distort the results to incorrectly show that most frightened victims are paranoid or have other psychiatric disorders, such as major depression, paranoid schizophrenia, dependent personality disorder, or borderline personality disorder,27diagnoses that will hurt her in any custody fight.28 Without experts able to refute the faulty diagnoses (and few battered women have the money to pay for such experts, even if any are available who are willing to criticize their colleagues), battered women and mothers of children who have been abused risk being assessed as incompetent mothers, and so lose custody.  Despite myths put out by fathers that mothers always win custody cases, fathers actually win custody in 70% of custody disputes,29 and this is true even though most men who abuse women and children are far more likely than other fathers to fight for custody and engage in prolonged litigation.30

 

Batterers Retaliate

 

Batterers do not only manipulate mental health professionals.  When batterers feel that their authority is being threatened, they escalate their violent and terroristic tactics, often threatening to kill or seriously injure their victims,31 their families, children or loved ones,32 and even themselves.33 After separation they often carry out these threats, hurting their partners 14 times as often after separation as when they were together.34 Most of these men also rape their female partners, and these rapes are more brutal than stranger rapes, and 10% of the rapes occur in from of the children.35 Batterers retaliate in many other ways as well, often being extremely imaginative and unpredictable.

 

They are notorious in fighting for custody,36 even though most of them never paid much attention to the children while then they were together with the children's mother.37 Most batterers seek the children knowing that depriving the mother of custody is the best way to punish and hurt her.38 Batterers, who are notoriously poor at paying child support,39 also know that winning custody not only absolves them from having to pay child support, it may obligate the mothers to pay them child support, which they see as another way to hurt the women.


Batterers also retaliate by threatening their former partners and her children during visitation, or by shifting their abuse onto the children. It is quite common for batterers to begin abusing the child physically or sexually after the separation, or for such abuse to escalate, just as their violence tends to escalate after separation against their former partners.40 Many threaten to and actually abduct the children,41 and these abductions are as harmful to the children as when strangers kidnap them.42

Even when batterers have custody, they often refuse to make let the mothers to see their children.  The same courts that are outraged when a mother fails to make the children available to the father seldom punish a father who denies visitation to the mother.


Some of these problems exist because of gender bias of individual judges, but other problems exist because the legislature has enacted laws that favor men.  While most states (Washington State is the exception) encourage courts to consider in granting custody which parent will encourage a better relationship and frequent contact between the children and the other parent, courts consider only behaviors that mothers are more likely to do under this criteria, leaving out behaviors that men primarily do.  Thus failing to pay spousal or child support, or failing when one could do so to legitimate the other parent's immigration status are not seen as hurtful.  Yet what could be more harmful to a relationship with the children than depriving the other parent of adequate support or even the right to remain in the U.S.  Indeed, changing custody because a parent has not paid child support is illegal in most states, yet custody is changed all the time when mothers do not give father access to their children.


Another way that some men retaliate is by having their parents join in the fight for custody or visitation (of course, some grandparents, often the ones from whom their son learned to be abusive in the first place, do this spontaneously).  Fortunately, this was made much harder by Troxel v. Granville43,  the recent U.S. Supreme Court decision which struck down Washington State's grandparent visitation statute that permitted visitation against the wishes of the parents.  Both batterers and paternal grandparents and batterers also often file false or trumped up charges against their daughters-in-law or sons' girlfriends to get them in trouble and discredit them, most often with child protection agencies, but also alleging welfare or immigration fraud or criminal activity, but also in court.44


Another reason that courts have not been quicker to catch on about men's projecting their own behaviors onto their victims45 and vindictiveness against their former female partners is that while they speak very negatively about their former partners, they generally speak very positively about their current ones.46 This is typical of men, but few courts or mental health practitioners are aware of it, and are fooled into thinking the men must be  objective, and thus what they say about their former partners must be accurate.  Yet once the men break up with their current partners they will start publicly devaluing.


Some courts are wising up to men's retaliatory tactics, because many involve abusing the courts. Many abusers learn that cross or counterclaims often cancel out their victims; prior claims, and that filing contempts shifts the focus to their victims.47 Most batterers know they can bring criminal and contempt charges at no expense to the abusers, but they take an enormous financial and emotional cost on their victims.  The result is that many abusive men drag on the litigation and file spurious claims openly acknowledging they are trying to drive their victims onto welfare or into homelessness; half of all homeless women and children in the U.S. are homeless because of domestic violence.48 Occasionally it is only when the abuser accuses the judge or other court players of impropriety or attacks them or those helping their partners, such as shelter workers,49 that the court catches on to their tactics. Unfortunately, some judges (and other court players, including mental health experts) become too frightened50 or vicariously traumatized51 to act sufficiently to believe or act to protect battered women. However, most abusers are far too savvy to make such accusations, attacking only their former partners.


When courts blame victims and fail to hold abusers accountable, they reinforce abuser behavior, subvert justice, disempower the victims, teach children that abusive behavior is permissible and may even be rewarded, and reinforce the cycle of violence.

 


Footnotes
  1.    ABA Center on Children and the Law & State Justice Institute, A Judge's Guide: Making Child-Centered Decisions in Custody Cases, 4 (Chicago, IL: ABA,  2001).
2.    James Ptacek, Battered Women in the Courtroom: The Power of Judicial Responses, 89 (Boston, MA: Northeastern University Press, 1999).
3.    Donald Cochran, Sandra Adams & Patrice O'Brien, From Chaps to Clarity in Understanding Domestic Violence, 3 Domestic Violence Report 65, 77-78 (1998). ).
4.    American Psychological Association , Violence and the Family: Report of the American Psychological Association Presidential Task Force on Violence and the Family, 37 (Washington, DC: Author, 1996). [Hereinafter, APA.] ).
5.    Evan Stark & Anne H. Flitcraft, Spouse Abuse. In Violence in America: A Public Health Approach, 123, 132-33 (Mark L. Rosenberg & Mary Ann Fenley, eds., New York: Oxford Press, 1991); Ola W.  Barnett & Alyce D. LaViolette, It Could Happen to Anyone, 63 (Thousand Oaks, CA: Sage, 1993). ).
6.   Stark & Flitcraft, supra note 6, at 140-44. ).
7.    Id., at 134. ).
8.    Joan Zorza, Battered Women Behave Like Other Threatened Victims, 1(6) Domestic Violence Report 5 (August/September 1996). ).
9.    APA, supra note 4, at 37. ).
10.   Id., at 81-82. ).
11.   Barnett & LaViolette, supra note 5, at 77. ).
12.   Felicia Cohn, Marla E. Salmon, & John D. Stobo, Confronting Chronic Neglect: The Education and Training of Health Professionals on Family Violence, 3-5 to 3-8 and 4-5 (Washington, DC: National Academy Press, 2001). ).
13.   Id., entire book; APA, supra note 3, at 13. ).
14.   APA, supra note 4, at 102. ).
15 .  John E.B. Myers, A Mother's Nightmare  Incest: A Practical Guide for Parents and Professional, 104 (Thousand Oaks, CA: Sage, 1997). ).
16.   Edward W. Gondolf & Ellen W. Fisher, Battered Women as Survivors, 133-34 (New York: MacMillan, 1998). ).
17.   Id, at 132. ).
18.   Id., at 81. ).
19.   Barnett & LaViolette, supra note 5, at 9-10. ).
20   Joan Zorza, Domestic Violence Seldom Considered in Psychologists' Custody Recommendations, 2 Domestic Violence Report, 65 and 68 (1997).
21.   Myers, supra note 15.  Mothers of abused children are themselves blamed for the abuse and traumatized by it and other's reactions. See, e.g., Betty Joyce Carter, Who's to Blame? Child Sexual Abuse and Non-Offending Mothers, 188 (Toronto, Ontario: University of Toronto Press, 1999). ).
22.   Linda D. Elrod & Robert G. Spector, A Review of the Year in Family Law: Redefining Families, Reforming Custody Jurisdiction, and Refining Support Issues, 34 Family Law Quarterly 607, 652 Chart 2 (2001).).
23.   A Typical Week of Restraining Orders in Massachusetts,1(4) Domestic Violence Report 3, 4 (April/May 1996). ).
24.  APA, supra note 4, at 12. ).
25.  Id.
26.   Myers, supra note 15, at 46-48.
27.   Edward W. Gondolf, Addressing Woman Battering in Mental Health Services, 81 (Thousand Oaks, CA: Sage, 1989). ).
28.   Barnett & LaViolette, supra note 5, at 74; Gondolf, supra, note 16, at 81. ).
29.   Ruth I. Abrams & John M. Greaney, Report of the Gender Bias Study of the Supreme Judicial Court [of Massachusetts],  62-63 (1989), also citing similar findings from California and the entire nation. ).
30.   APA, supra note 4, at 40. ).
31.   David Adams, Identifying, Assaultive Husbands in Court: You Be the Judge, 33 Boston Bar Jounal, 23-24 (July/August, 1989). ).
32.   Id.; Barnett & LaViolette, supra note 5, at 50.
33.  Donald Dutton & Susan K. Golant, The Batterers: A Psychological Profile, 49 (New York: BasicBooks, 1995). ).
34.   Caroline Wolf Harlow, Female Victims of Violent Crime, 5, Dept. of Justice, Bureau of Statistics, NCJ-126826 (January 1991). ).
35.   Ptacek, supra note 2, at 74; Lenore E. Walker, The Battered Woman Syndrome, 48 (New York: Springer Publishing Co., 1984); Jacquelyn Campbell, Community Nursing Department, Wayne State University College of Nursing, Nursing Assessment for Risk of Homicide with Battered Women (1986). ).
36.   Barnett & LaViolette, supra, note 5, at 50; APA, supra note 4, at 100; Marsha .B. Liss & Geraldine Butts Stahly, Domestic Violence and Child Custody, in Battering and Family Therapy: A Feminist Perspective, 175, 179 & 181 (Marsali Hansen & Michèle Harway, eds., Thousand Oaks, CA: Sage, 1993) ).
37.   Catherine Kirkwood, Leaving Abusive Partners, 54-55 (1993); Einat Peled & Duane Davis, Groupwork with Children of Battered Women: A Practitioners' Manual, 8 (Thousand Oaks, CA: Sage, 1995). ).
38.   Liss & Stahly, supra note 36, at 179. ).
39.   Id., at 181; Mildred Daley Pagelow, Family Violence, 311 (1984). ).
40.   Harlow, supra note 35. ).
41.   Geoffrey L. Grief & Rebecca L. Hager, When Parents Kidnap 4 (1992). ).
42.   Id., at 205-206. ).
43.   530 U.S. 57 (2000). ).
44.   Zorza, supra note 21, at 68 & 75. ).
45.   Dutton & Golant, supra note 34, at 105. ).
46.   David Schuldenberg & Shan Guisinger, Divorced Fathers Describe Their Former Wives: Devaluation and Contrast, Women and Divorce/Men in Divorce: Gender Differences. In Separation, Divorce and Remarriage, 61-87 (Haworth Press, 1991). ).
47.   Jeffrey L. Edleson & Richard M. Tolman, Intervention for Men Who Batter: An Ecological Approach, 31 & 34 (Thousand Oaks, CA: Sage, 1992). ).
48.   Joan Zorza, Woman Battering: A Major Source of Homelessness, 25 Clearinghouse Review, 421 (!991). ).
49.   Ptacek, supra note 2, at 63. ).
50.   Id. ).
51.   Joan Zorza, Why Courts Are Reluctant to Believe and Respond to Allegations of Incest. In The Sex Offender: Theoretical Advances, Treating Special Populations and Legal Developments, Vol. III, 33-8 (Barbara K. Schwartz, Ed., Kingston, NJ: Civic Research Institute, 1999).

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